


Making Amends

by TheSinsOfAnAngel



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Canon-Typical Violence, Crying, Depressed Ishimaru Kiyotaka, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hopes Peak Academy, M/M, Mild Gore, Owada Mondo Swears, Purgatory, Purgatory AU, Revival AU, Sad Owada Mondo, Slow Burn, a bit ooc sorry, anyways mondo needs a therapist 2k21, basically describing their deaths yk how it is, bc its literally just me being like, bc thats what this fic is, bruh this is sad until like halfway through, danganronpa - Freeform, how sad can i make taka and mondo, i need you to understand that it isnt as sad as it seems, is there a tag for friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers, ishimondo - Freeform, no beta we die like men, right at the end, sooorta, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28524561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSinsOfAnAngel/pseuds/TheSinsOfAnAngel
Summary: “Real funny of you to lecture me on how to handle loss. Do you think I didn’t see that stunt you pulled down there? Refusing to eat, obsessing over a computer program; you were pathetic.”“I was grieving!”“You were wallowing.”-----OR: The one where Taka learns to be himself again, Mondo works through his traumas, and Mukuro Ikusaba is just trying to be better, all while stuck in Purgatory.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 13
Kudos: 158





	Making Amends

**Author's Note:**

> bro i wrote this all in one night because i couldn't get these fuckers out of my head.
> 
> i just had this idea where Taka gets to Purgatory and instead of it being some romantic reunion with Mondo, they're both really fucking traumatized and need to figure their shit out before falling in love again. also, i really like the idea of Mukuro actually being a good person who was lead astray by Junko. idk man, i just wish we knew more about her :(
> 
> if you find any glaringly obvious issues please point them out. it's 3:00 am and i'm using microsoft word as my beta reader.

He didn’t notice he had died, not at first. Even though he could have easily looked to the side and saw his own body  lying on the floor, head caved in, blood pooling around his hair like a halo. In a way, he already had an idea of what fate had befell him, perhaps that was why he never looked down. 

Regardless, Taka didn’t notice he had died because the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were the faces of his dead classmates, all looking at him with the same look of knowing sympathy. He quickly sat up in shock, eyes widening. 

Maizono ( _ was that her name? It had been so long _ ) extended her hand out in an attempt to get him off of the floor. Chihiro looked away, glassy eyed. Leon clenched and unclenched his fists. There was a girl standing in the far back of the room who Taka didn’t recognize. She stared at him with an unreadable expression. Everyone else aside from her was acting exactly in the way Taka had grown to understand they would act. He was very good at perceiving people's actions, but often fell short at the  _ why.  _ Emotions were never his strong point. 

The problem in this scenario was not that Taka did not comprehend the emotional state of the group, the problem was that he had witnessed all of them die, yet there they stood, right as rain. 

Although, looking closer, it appeared that they still had died. Going through the list, he began to notice differences in the friends he once knew. 

Sayaka's stomach was perpetually bleeding, her shirt clinging to the wet, red skin. 

Chihiro’s wrists looked permanently floppy, and his hair was matted with fresh blood.

From what skin he could see on Leon, it was as if he was constantly developing fresh bruises, the worst one being the bruise in the middle of his forehead where a perfectly circled dent sat.

Daring to glance at the mysterious girl granted him the knowledge that she had apparently been stabbed. Repeatedly. Her clothes were soaked with blood that seeped from her multiple wounds.  _ How familiar.  _

Taka was oblivious, but he was not stupid. He took Sayaka’s hand and stood up, brushing off his clothes. The others looked at him, expecting some sort of emotional outburst. Instead, Taka closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke. 

“I’m dead too, aren’t I?” His eyes stayed shut as he talked. 

Sayaka’s hand landed on his shoulder, trying to provide comfort. She was freezing. 

“I’m so sorry, Kiyotaka.” 

He nodded once then opened his eyes, and looked down at the floor where he last remembered being. 

It was a grotesque sight, even after already witnessing Chihiro’s head wound. Belatedly, he wondered if they looked the same. 

Celeste had always harped on about “adapting” to their new environment, and although Taka obviously disagreed with being forced to adapt to a killing game, he couldn’t help but agree with her general sentiments. It was, of course, the way life was. Life had rules, and one of these rules was that you must roll with the punches. 

Did life's rules still apply when you had died? It was an interesting thought. Regardless, the punch he had been thrown was that he was no longer living. There was no point in trying to deny it. Not like it mattered in the end, even if he did deny it. The truth could set you free just as much as it could confine you. Taka found that he no longer cared about being confined, the loss he had suffered had long ago removed any sense of freedom.

Perhaps his apathy was a lingering side effect from his days of shock after the Chihiro case, the days before Kiyondo appeared.    


Kiyondo. 

_ Mondo. _

Taka was taken aback by his forgetfulness. It wasn’t like him to be so careless, especially considering what a  _ presence  _ Mondo had been in his life. 

Where was Mondo? He was dead too. This, Taka knew far too well, had even witnessed it with his own eyes. He scanned the small crowd again before turning back to Sayaka, ignoring her last statement. 

“What happened to Owada?” 

She glanced nervously at Leon who responded with a grimace. So, there was something they didn’t want to tell him. Something about Mondo. 

“What-?”   


“He said he didn’t want to see you.” The mystery girl's voice was clear and deep, and cut like a knife. It would have made Taka’s skin raise if it still had the ability to, and not just because of her voice.    


Maizono leaned in to whisper her next words, “Owada has not been adapting to the situation as well as we have. It would be best if we left him alone for now, I believe.”    


“That has nothing to do with why he won’t see me-”

Leon noticed something over Taka’s shoulder and interrupted his speech, “Hey man, why don’t we go to the dining hall and discuss this? I have a feeling you won’t wanna stick around here much longer.” 

He threw an arm around Taka’s frame and forcibly steered him out of the supply room. Behind them, the sounds of Hifumi’s sobs began to ring out into the hallways. 

\----

The first day in what the rest of the group called “Purgatory School” was about as tense as one might assume it would be. It became clear that it would be very difficult to get used to the new surroundings when those new surroundings were actually old ones. Not to mention the still living people that walked around, completely oblivious to their dead classmates in the same building as them.    


It was hard to watch the investigation, hard to watch Ludenberg control the narrative, right up to the bitter end.    


It was hard to watch the execution, knowing that she would soon be joining her victims. 

That is what they both were, he and Hifumi. Victims. They had been manipulated by a wickedly cunning women at their most vulnerable, and though Hifumi was the one who physically brought down the hammer, Taka considered Celeste to be the one who delivered the deadly blow.    


Not to say that the whole situation wasn’t awkward, because it was. However, it wasn’t like Taka had ever been close friends with his murderer, so their few interactions that day had been blissfully brief. 

They returned to the dining hall after the class trial, save for Sayaka who apparently took it upon herself to welcome each newcomer. The group had come to the hall after every trial so that the victims didn’t have to be alone, and the murderer could be dealt with separately. He shuddered when he began to imagine what Celeste may look like when she emerged from the flames, glad that he was not the first one to see it. 

Chihiro pulled up a chair beside where he was currently sitting alone at a table, and grabbed his hand. 

“I’m sorry. Watching your own trial is not a fun experience, especially knowing that you may have to see your killer soon.” 

That’s right, Chihiro must have had to watch his own trial too. He was forced to watch them expose all of his secrets, and in the end, sentence a friend to death. 

Taka wondered if Chihiro still considered Mondo a friend, even after his flawed reasoning came to light. 

Thinking about Mondo made him flinch and he turned his attention back to the programmer.    


“I admit, I am not exactly excited to see her again. I guess I’m just glad that she was caught.”    


“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I was happy that everyone else got to live, even if I didn’t. Even if... _ he  _ didn’t either.” 

They both looked away at the mention of their old friend, and Chihiro quickly changed the subject. 

“A-anyways, I came over here to tell you that none of the doors are locked anymore, so you can go wherever you want. I suppose you’ll probably want to go back to your dorm first though, huh? We all agreed that dorms are off limits unless explicitly invited in, so you don’t have to worry about anybody coming in. It’s a good place to cry if you want to be alone.” His smile was small and sad, and it made Taka’s metaphorical heart clench. He didn’t know how the murderers felt, but being a victim sucked. All of them, Sayaka, Chihiro, Hifumi, himself, they were all so young. It wasn’t fair. It especially wasn’t fair that they had to stay locked in the school for the rest of…

The rest of what? 

Chihiro noticed the distress on his face growing stronger and he squeezed his  friends' hand before getting up and leaving. Taka shook his head and went back to mindlessly tapping the table. Slowly, the rest of the group trailed out of the dining hall. Leon, who had taken on the role of secondary leader, patted Taka’s back as he left, reminding him to get some sleep. Did they even need sleep, or was it just a familiarity that brought comfort and structure to their otherwise miserable existence? 

He shook the thoughts from his head. It was only the first day in this place, and he refused to succumb to the misery that had taken over him while he was alive. 

When Kiyotaka was still breathing, he believed it to be impossible that he could ever make amends with those who were killed. Thinking about having to face Mondo and Celeste, he wasn’t sure if he was wrong about that. 

\----   


Mondo wore sunglasses. 

That is what he first noticed when his old friend walked into the dining hall. Taka’s fork paused before his lips as he watched the man sit down at the far end of the table. 

“Oh, Mondo! Good morning! I’m sorry, did you want me to turn off the lights?” Sayaka’s surprised voice quieted when she saw Mondo wince in pain.    


“‘S fine, I just need this Tylenol to kick in and I’ll be good.”    


He nodded a thanks to Leon who had slid over a cup of coffee. Taka watched in cautious fascination as his former best friend took a sip from the glass and completely, blatantly, ignored his presence at the table. Not even a snide quip about getting killed. Nothing. It was like Taka didn’t even exist. He wasn’t expecting some grand reunion or anything, especially considering his own feelings towards Mondo’s actions, but he wanted something, anything, other than the cold shoulder. 

The other people at the table seemed to notice this too, and awkwardly tried to carry on a normal conversation.    


“They finally have access to the fourth floor. There’s not much up there that’ll be very interesting aside from the Chemistry lab, I guess.” Sayaka piped up timidly.

“I think the music room is nice but…” Chihiro trailed off, “There’s nobody left that would appreciate it.” 

Mukuro (Junko’s twin sister, Taka had found out) offered her own opinion that the Headmasters office and Data Processing room were the most important things up there. It was unfortunate that they could not access them. Her blasé attitude was unnerving, but considering what he now knew about her, it wasn’t all that surprising. Apparently, according to Sayaka, she was a lot worse when she first showed up. This was apparently her ‘trying to get back to the person she once was’, whatever that meant. Taka didn’t really understand the whole mastermind thing concerning Junko, but he was glad that at least there weren't still two Ultimate Despairs running around Hope's Peak. 

Taka stabbed his scrambled eggs as Mondo set his empty mug down, deciding to chime in with his own theories. 

“I bet someone gets poisoned next, from the Chem Lab.” 

Mukuro glanced up from her end of the table, “What makes you say that?” 

“Togami’s been waiting to make his move the whole game, and something as subtle as poison has his name written all over it. Fuckin’ kid puts up a good front during investigations, but I bet he hates getting his hands dirty. This way he doesn’t have to deal with the blood.” 

“Do you think they’ll catch him?” He blurted the question out without thinking. 

Mondo paused, “Huh?” 

“Togami, when he kills someone, do you think they can catch him?” 

Sparing a glance granted Taka a look at Mondo’s annoyed face as he struggled to answer the question.    


“I don’t fucking know, man, I was just adding in on the discussion. Not like there’s anything else to talk about, is there?” 

There was a lot to talk about, actually, specifically concerning the two of them. But if Mondo wanted to pretend like there was nothing to say then so be it. Taka was used to people ignoring him, and if it hurt a little more this time that was easily explained away by the circumstances. 

“No, I guess there isn’t.” 

The rest of breakfast passed in awkward silence and eventually everyone went their separate ways to take on the rest of the long day.    


\----   


When he saw Sakura get attacked by Hiro in the game room, he quickly dropped the darts and rushed to find Sayaka in the music room. Her face fell when he told her what he had witnessed and she thanked him before making her way to the third floor. Perhaps it was selfish of him to not welcome Sakura himself, but if he was being honest, the thought of witnessing someone as strong as Sakura’s final moments made his blood freeze. If someone like her could become a victim to the killing game, there was no hope left for his friends. That thought terrified him. 

The next time he saw Sayaka, about an hour and a half after she had gone to see Sakura, she was pale faced and shaken up. Her eyes were red, presumably from tears, yet she still attempted to put on a brave face. Taka had never left the music room, and Sayaka quickly found him right where he last was to share the news.    


“Sakura has gone to her  dorm; she wishes to be left alone for a while. I am going around telling everyone in case they see her wandering the halls. Please respect her at this time.” 

It wasn’t unusual that a newly departed person would lock themselves in their dorm for a while after waking up. Celeste still had yet to let herself be seen, especially by Taka or Hifumi. He supposed that without the embrace of death to quiet her brain, she was forced to face her guilt head on. Whatever, the bitch could rot in hell for all he cared. 

No, no. That’s not who he was anymore. Kiyondo was his vessel for rage, but he wasn’t Kiyondo any longer, so there was no reason for him to allow himself to think such violent thoughts. 

“Apparently she killed herself.” The new voice made him jump, and he spun around to see Mukuro idly sitting at the piano. 

She plucked a few keys as Taka stared in stunned silence, unable to find the words. 

“H-how? I saw her get attacked.” 

“You know she’s too strong to be taken out by a simple bonk to the head. Even two whacks couldn’t penetrate that thick skull of hers.” 

The way she could sit and so casually speak about another's death was upsetting, but Taka would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious to hear more. He approached her carefully.    


“Then what happened to her?” 

“Poison, just like Owada said. Although, he missed the mark on who the culprit would be. Togami had nothing to do with it, surprisingly. Even I thought he would be the one to graduate, back when I was still alive. It seems I gave him too much credit. He just can’t muster up the courage to kill anyone, the sentimental fool. He let the brown haired one get inside his head and turn his bravery to mush, now he’s as stupid as the rest of them.” 

Mukuro’s fingers flew across the piano keys as she talked, playing a frenzied number that Taka couldn’t recognize. It would have been impressive had he not been deeply disturbed. Suddenly, in the middle of the piece, she stopped. Her fingers stilled over the keys and her shoulders slumped.    


“I am sorry. I shouldn’t be talking this way. I really am trying to get better,” Her words were spoken with sincerity but her blank face betrayed nothing, “You should go. It’s almost time for dinner.”    


Taka nodded awkwardly and stuttered out a goodbye before leaving the music hall to the sounds of a slow and melancholy tune. He never personally knew Mukuro Ikusaba, but he had the feeling that she never wanted to be full of despair. 

\----   


It had been a week since Sakura’s trial, and the group was becoming antsy. They had never gone this long without a death occurring, and the stagnation of process was worrying. Oftentimes Taka would hear whispered conversations of ‘have they stopped trying?’ or ‘do they even care about our sacrifices at all?” while he was walking through the halls. Personally, he was relieved that the killings had stopped, even if it meant that his living friends had stopped trying to escape. He was just glad that nobody else had to die. 

However, some people had become very agitated over the current circumstances. 

Case one: Celestia Ludenberg, who had finally decided to grace everyone with her presence a day after Sakura had joined them all. She was likely just waiting for her to not be the latest killer when she made her reveal so she didn’t have to answer any questions. She also had this grand idea in her head that as soon as the living escaped, the dead's souls would be fulfilled and they could all finally die. Every day that passed by without any progress made her worse to be around, until the thought of going to breakfast in the morning made Taka wince. Maybe she wouldn’t be so bitchy if she wasn’t on fire all of the time, but that was a petty thing to say, so he kept that comment to himself. 

Case two: Mondo Owada. Mondo had been in Purgatory longer than many of the people there, so it was surprising that he was suddenly so determined to get out of it. His attitude shifted significantly every day, and while he was already a violent and angry person before, he had recently become downright bloodthirsty. Picking fights with anyone who talked to him, stalking the halls like some cryptid in the night, and slamming his fist so hard against the walls that he often made somebody cry. Celestia may have been awful to be around, but Mondo was being unreasonable, and it all came to a head that wretched morning. 

First, the set-up. Taka was trying very, very hard to act the way he used to act, and that started with enforcing the rules. When he wasn’t passing time in the library or the game room, he was marching through the halls, reminding people to clean up after themselves and the like. Sayaka was grateful for the help, and was relieved to see someone else other than herself trying to make the most of their situation. Lately he had even been waking up early to go for a morning walk, starting at the first floor and ending right outside the Bio Lab. There could be no rules without structure, and structure started with routine. Sometimes he would feel the bitterness threaten to take control, but he managed to swallow it down. He could not let despair win, not when he had already lost. 

That morning (the aforementioned wretched one), after his early walk, Taka strolled into the dining hall for breakfast. After calling out a ‘hello’ and grabbing some food, he sat down at the table, ready to start another day.    


“Good morning, Taka, you’re looking chipper today.” Leon teasingly stole a grape from his plate and smiled at him. 

Leon wasn’t as much of a douche as he first seemed to be, and Taka was pretty sure that his attitude at the beginning was just a front he put up to seem more tough. Now, he was actually pretty cool to be around, even if he did tend to skirt the rules sometimes. 

“Well, there’s nothing like a good walk to get your brain juices flowing, you’re welcome to join me tomorrow.”    


“Aw, dude, I totally would, but I have plans every morning for the rest of my life, so I can’t.”    


The table laughed at his dismissal, and even Mukuro had a small smile on her face. It was shaping up to be a pleasant morning when-

“Jesus fucking Christ, can you cut the shit already? Stop fuckin’ acting like everything’s normal, ‘cause it’s not.”    


Mondo’s outburst shocked the table into silence. Sakura (who had apparently decided to come to breakfast on the worst possible day) stood up and glared at him.    


“If you are going to ruin the mood, it would be best if you just left.” Her words were stern but her hands were shaking. It was incredibly brave of her to defend the peace in her current state. 

“What do you know, you’ve barely been here a week. You don’t know what it’s like to see the person you killed every single day. You don’t know what it’s like to know that you’re the reason they’re here. All of you are acting like we’re still the same people we were before, as if half of us aren’t fucking murderers,” he cracked his knuckles and stood up as well, “It’s all so fake.”    


“At least we’re trying, asshole.” Mukuro muttered from her seat.

“What was that, mystery girl? Last time I checked you’re part of why any of us are dead in the first place, so shut the fuck up.” 

“That’s enough. Sit down or get out, Owada.” Taka wasn’t going to get involved, but his overwhelming sense of morality had taken over his senses and before he knew it he was standing up and barking orders. 

Owada’s laugh was full of disbelief and rage, and it would have scared Taka if he wasn’t already dead. What more could be done to him anyways? 

“I’m serious, you need to calm down. Getting angry isn’t going to help anything.”

A scoff echoed through the room and Mondo spun on his heel, about to leave, “You’ve got all this self-righteousness in you, and yet you couldn’t convince your friends not to kill anyone. It’s because you don’t know what actual grief is like, the only people you saw die were complete strangers. Maybe if someone you loved had been killed, you would be more useful.”    


The words struck him right in the chest. How could Mondo not understand that Taka _had_ seen someone he loved get killed? He felt his old rage bubble to the surface and suddenly he really didn’t care if what he was about to say was hurtful.    


“You think you know everything about loss just because you killed your brother before all of this, but you aren’t special Owada, not anymore. Not when the rest of us are sitting right here with the same sins.”   


The already silent dining hall became stagnant. Nobody moved except for Mondo, who turned his head to look back at Taka, fists clenched at the side. His voice was deadly quiet. 

“Real funny of you to lecture me on how to handle loss. Do you think I didn’t see that stunt you pulled down there? Refusing to eat, obsessing over a computer program; you were pathetic.” 

“I was  _ grieving! _ ”

“You were  _ wallowing. _ ”

The breath caught in Taka's lungs. Sensing his weakness, Mondo continued.

“You should remember that the next time you try and talk about shit you know nothing about. You don’t get to act all high and mighty after we all saw what kind of weak person you really are.” He faced forward and finally walked out of the room.    


Taka stood there for a moment, utterly in shock, before sitting back down. How could Mondo be so cold towards him? Did their friendship mean nothing? 

There was a hand placed over his and he looked up to see the awkward but sympathetic smile of Leon, “There’s no point in trying to convince someone like him. His stubborn ass just doesn’t know how to make amends.” 

Maybe he was right, but it hurt nonetheless. 

\----

The next day, nothing had changed. There was still no new body, Celestia was still her rotten self, and Mondo had taken to secluding himself in his dorm to avoid anybody else. At least breakfast was semi-bearable without having to worry about Mondo exploding on them again. 

That day, Sayaka had asked for Taka’s help in the gardens. She had taken up gardening in her spare time, and needed help using the weed wacker. 

Taka carried the machine out of the storage shed but paused before using it, “Aren’t the living going to notice if the grass is different?” 

“I’m not quite sure how it works, but nothing we do seems to matter here. It’s almost like a parallel world looking in. We can see them, but they can’t see us, or anything we do for that matter.”    


“I guess that explains why we could also go into locked rooms when they couldn’t.”    


“Yeah...but it’s not very fun to think about, so why don’t we get going?”    


The weed wacker was loud and for that Taka was thankful. It meant that he didn’t have to hear the thoughts bouncing around inside his head. Thoughts that concerned Mondo. 

Why was he so scared to go talk to him? Why could he not muster up enough courage to just ask why their friendship was thrown away? He had been working so hard to become his old self again, against all the odds, and yet he simply could not force himself to confront Mondo again. It was too hard. Maybe he just didn’t want to know the answer. 

So much for not hearing his thoughts. 

They finished their work efficiently, and were done fast enough that Taka had the rest of the afternoon left to do whatever he pleased. What he pleased, more than anything, was to lock himself in the sauna and let the heat boil his brain to nothingness.    


The warehouse was consistently stocked up with everything they could ever need, and Taka easily found some fluffy white towels to bring along with him. Suddenly feeling  self-conscious about someone walking in, he opted to also grab a pair of board shorts to wear. He had never minded before, but if he needed to make a quick  escape, he would rather do it clothed. Not like anything bad could happen to him anymore, but he supposed it was a side effect of being murdered that he was constantly watching his back. 

Hot air rushed out of the sauna door and he quickly shut it before the heat could escape. Settling down onto the seating, he wrapped the towel around the back of his neck and finally, for the first time in a while, closed his eyes to relax. 

And then someone cleared their throat. 

Taka’s eyes flew open and he yelped, scanning the room for the other person before settling on the large figure off to the side. 

Say what you will about his personality, but Mondo Owada was fucking  _ ripped.  _ Based off of sight alone, Taka guesses that his chest is at least 80cm, not to mention his broad shoulders. Does he have an eight pack? Because Taka is pretty sure that he counts eight as his eyes trail down, landing on the defined V of his hips and-

Mondo cleared his throat again, louder this time. His face was red from the heat (and only from the heat) and condensation was clouding up his sunglasses. Taka’s eyes snapped up to his face and they shared an extremely awkward moment of silence before Mondo decided to open his mouth to speak.    


“I didn’t know anyone would be coming in here.”

“Well, I didn’t know anyone would already be in here.”    


“ Yeah. . .yeah . That’s fair.” 

They looked anywhere but each other, and Taka found a particularly interesting piece of coal to stare at before deciding to attempt his own olive branch. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I said yesterday. I let my emotions take over, and it was unfair for me to do that.” 

Taka really didn’t think that he was the type of person to throw someone's trauma back in their face, but Mondo was being so unreasonable that he couldn’t stand it anymore. In that moment, all he wanted was for him to feel the same way he had felt when he learned that their friendship meant nothing to him.    


“Jesus dude, you don’t have to apologize for that. I have thick skin; I can handle a few words.”    


“Maybe, but I wanted to say it anyways, for my own sake.” 

“Oh. Well, thanks. I guess-I mean-maybe…” Mondo frustratedly pulled at his hair and groaned, “Fuck. I don’t know how to do this.” 

Taka stared back in confusion. What exactly was Mondo trying to do, other than look like his brain was short circuiting? 

“Fucking hell, I’ll just say it. I’m sorry.” He huffed and crossed his arms, looked away in frustration.    


“Uh, I’m sorry?” 

  
“No, _I’m_ sorry.” Mondo snickered at his dumb joke before getting serious again, “I’m not good at this, and I’m not going to do it again so listen closely. I’ve been dealing with a lot of my own shit since before any of this even happened. I don’t want to talk about it, so don’t ask. The thing is, I never expected that I would kill anyone ever again. Dealing with the knowledge that I have, and that I have to see him every day, it’s hard for me. I’m just so fucking angry, all the time. At Myself, at Chihiro, at you, at everyone. You don’t deserve that though. It just proves myself right, that all I am is a violent monster.” 

His confession stunned Taka into silence. As he processed the words, his mind began racing. Did this mean that Mondo wanted to be close again? He wasn’t sure why that thought made his stomach flutter, but it didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was that Mondo wanted to go back to how things were before, when they were best friends.    


“Uh, I guess what I’m trying to say is: can we start over? Let’s pretend like none of this ever happened and we can start from square one.” 

Wait, what? _Square one?_ Taka looked down at the waiting hand in front of him and shook his head.    


“Why do we have to start at the beginning, I already know you.” 

“What? Dude it’s fuckin’ symbolic or whatever. We pretend nothing happened and go back to being friends.” 

“ _ Just  _ friends? Because the last time we saw each other alive it was a bit more than that, don’t you think?” 

Mondo spluttered at Taka’s forward words, “What are you talking about, Ishimaru? Just shake my hand, you’re making me look dumb over here.” 

Taka pushed the hand away, “No. Because I don’t want to pretend that nothing happened, not when you know what you meant to me. Why do I not get a say in getting closure? Seriously Mondo, first you ignore me, then you scream at me in front of everyone, then you try to apologize, now you want to pretend nothing happened? No. No! I won’t do it.” 

Mondo pulled his hand back and looked offended, “What is your fucking problem? I’m really trying here.” 

“You’re trying to fix yourself, without caring what anybody you hurt thinks. That isn’t fair, and you know it. You shouldn’t even bother trying if you aren’t going to do it right.” 

Taka couldn’t bring himself to watch as Mondo stormed off. As soon as he was alone, he felt tears start to fall down his face. If anybody walked in, he could easily blame it on sweat, but at that moment, he really didn’t care who saw him.    


All he wanted was for things to go back to normal, to make things right. How did it manage to go so wrong? 

\----   


They found Mukuro’s body shortly after. It was strange, usually when a body was found Sayaka would rush to their side to welcome them to Wherever This Was. This time she didn’t have to do that, seeing as the body was the same as their already dead acquaintance. Things had gotten much more tense very quickly, so it was no surprise that everybody had collectively decided to leave each other alone. Mukuro had mentioned that it must be Junko’s doing, and that she must have been feeling quite desperate to pull a stunt like she had. It must mean that they were on the precipice of something big, either escape or death. Then she left, leaving Taka alone to consider what this meant for himself. If Celeste’s hunch was right, when the few living people managed to finally defeat the mastermind and escape, the dead souls might finally be released to whatever is next. If true, that was the scariest concept Taka could imagine. 

It made his heart race just thinking about it. It’s different to die when you know you are about to die vs. dying when you don’t know. His first death was quick, too quick for him to even comprehend. This was different. Taka didn’t want to just fade away, he still had things to do, people to talk to. 

He felt like throwing up.    


Everyone, dead and alive, was searching the entirety of the school. Well, not all of the school, only the most important parts from each floor. The pool, for example, was completely clear, so Taka decided to hide there for the foreseeable future, while his world crumbled around him.    


The water was cold on his toes as he dipped both legs in. The thought suddenly entered his brain that he could jump into the water with all of his clothes on and hope that death found him again, for good this time. He hadn’t asked anybody if they could die again because he thought it might be distasteful, but he really wished he had. Like clockwork, his mind drifted to thoughts of Mondo. At least if Celeste was right and they all fade into nothingness he wouldn’t have to face him again. He still cringed thinking about yesterday's exchange and regretted saying no. If he had known that this would all end so soon, he would say  yes a million times over. Anything to have Mondo back in his life. 

No, wait. That’s not true. Taka didn’t think that he had to concede just because he was feeling lonely again. Mondo was being unfair and avoiding his feelings, and that wasn’t what either of them needed. 

But God, did Taka miss talking to him.    


“Mind if I join you?” The quiet voice of Mukuro forced Taka out of his conflicting thoughts as the girl sat beside him at the edge of the pool. She didn’t wait for a response, just took her shoes and socks off, and dipped her legs into the water.    


“Oh, sure…” He replied uselessly.   


“It’s almost time for the class trial.” She supplied.    


“Is it?”    


“Yes. Are you going to go? I feel like this one may be important.” 

Taka hadn’t gone to the other trials, and he didn’t plan on going to this one either. Seeing his friends turn against each other was hard enough when alive, now that he had the choice to not participate, he was never going to one again.    


“No, I don’t think so.”    


Mukuro nodded and looked out across the pool, “That makes sense. You should never do things you’ll live to regret.” 

Huh? What was that supposed to mean? 

“Come again?” 

“Don’t you think it’s kind of lucky that we got the chance to see each other again? Who else besides us can say that we had the opportunity to look our killers or victims in the eye after already dying? We were allowed to end our story, not death. We were the ones who got to fix the situation.” 

She was being cryptic, and her words, though spoken softly, were slightly manic. At Taka’s confused look she sighed and finally looked him square in the eyes. 

“ What I’m trying to say, Ishimaru, is that you have been given a chance to make amends. A chance that no other living person has. You would be stupid to waste this opportunity.” 

Her legs slipped out of the water and she walked away, as silently as she had appeared, leaving Taka alone with his thoughts once more.

Mukuro Ikusaba was a bad person in life, but in death she was as good as they come. Taka thought that maybe in a different lifetime, they would have been great friends. 

\----

Time was running out, the class trial was about to begin, and Taka knew that if he didn’t say something then, he would never say it at all. 

He skidded to a stop in front of Mondo’s dorm room door and steeled his nerves. It was now or never. His fist pounded against the door with a desperation he didn’t know he had. 

No answer. 

“Mondo please, I need to talk to you right now!” He continued to throw his fist against the door with increasing strength until it opened.    


“ _ Christ!  _ What do you want? I don’t feel like talking to you right now.” 

He straightened his shoulders, puffed his chest out, and held open his hand in front of him, “My name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka, I am eighteen years old and I am known as the Ultimate Moral Compass. Nice to meet you, I live right down the hall.” 

Mondo raised an eyebrow, “What.” 

“I’m introducing myself. It’s what you do when you first meet someone.” 

“Taka, please.” 

“What?” 

“Just--jesus christ--just come inside you idiot.” 

The door fell shut behind him as Mondo sat down onto his bed, hair in his hands. 

“I believe in this situation you are supposed to introduce yourself next--”   


“Please just shut up for a second while I figure this out.” 

Taka sat down beside him with his hands folded in his lap. 

  
When Mondo was finally ready to speak, he spoke carefully, “Why did you decide to change your mind on me?” 

“Because I don’t want to die again not having made amends with you. If that means pretending that we didn’t have something between us, then I suppose that’s just how it is.” 

“ Of course there was something between us, I would be a giant asshole if I didn’t admit that.” 

“Then why did you want to pretend there wasn’t?”    


“Because I don’t deserve to have you in my life as anything more than a friend.” 

“Why don’t I get a say in this?” Taka said frustratedly, “Why can’t I decide if I want to be with you or not?” 

Mondo looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t thought of that question himself, “I...don’t know.” 

“Mondo Owada! You are a god damned fool if you think that I wouldn’t follow you to the ends of the earth. I don’t care what you’ve done.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” 

“Mondo…” 

“Taka please don’t-”

“I love you. I loved you. I still do.” 

Even without touching him Taka could tell he was shaking because of the way the bed trembled beneath him. It felt like an insurmountable task had been cleared and all that was left was the fallout. 

“You bastard, look what you’ve done to me.” His voice was breathless and Taka had never felt so sure of his love as he had at that moment when Mondo grabbed his hand like a lifeline. 

Luckily for him, the sunglasses blocked his eyes which were rapidly filling up with tears. 

Unluckily, Kiyotaka was a romantic little shit who couldn’t leave well enough alone. 

“Let me see your face. Please?” 

With shaky hands Mondo slipped the sunglasses off of his face. Immediately his head started pounding and he reached to turn off the light. 

“Sorry dude, I get migraines  real easy now.” 

Taka wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at Mondo’s eyes with a look of utter sadness etched into his features. 

The whole eye was a light yellow colour, and the iris looked as if it had been swirled around. Only the pupil remained where it was supposed to be. It was a tragic sight. 

“How do you...see?” 

“To be honest, I’m not really sure. I assume it’s the same type of thing that keeps Sayaka standing even though she keeps bleeding. It’s fucked up, but I don’t question it.” 

An idea came into Taka’s head, though he wasn’t sure if it was a good one or not. The only way to find out would be to try so he requested that Mondo shut his eyes. 

“Why?” 

“I just want to see something.” 

With a bit of hesitation Mondo agreed to the request. Taka scooted closer on the bed and reached his head up to the others face. Softly, quietly, he gave each eyelid a kiss before leaning back down. He heard the other let out a shaky held breath and just watched as he tried to regain his composure. Mondo hadn’t opened his eyes yet and just as Taka was about to open his mouth to  speak, he suddenly couldn’t as all the air was forced out of his lungs. 

Mondo had tackled him to the bed and was kissing him senseless. Taka snaked his arms around his neck and allowed himself to be pulled into the others body.    


Nothing mattered right now. Not the trial, not the mastermind, not the rest of the world. None of it was important. All Taka knew was Mondo Mondo _Mondo_ _._ He would follow him wherever he went, death be damned. Everything else was just background noise.    


Somewhere else in the school,  Mukuro Ikusaba was smiling. 

\----   


Breakfast was buzzing with excitement. From tales of the class trial and Makoto’s stunning escape, to the return of Alter Ego, there was no shortage of conversation. Everyone talked over each other. 

“Did you see what was about to happen?”

“What is Kirigiri’s angle?”

“But did you hear what she said about revival? What does that mean? Is that why we haven’t died yet?” 

“I swear if I ever see Togami again, I’m gonna\--”    


Taka hummed contently as he ate his yogurt with one hand and played with Mondo’s fingers with the other, letting the noise fall into the background. 

They had suddenly been granted a few more hours together before the next and final class trial, and everyone had decided that this time they would all go. It felt as if finally, they were on the cusp of finding out the whole truth, and nobody wanted to miss it especially after  Kirigiri revealed that the Biology Lab had been keeping the bodies fresh as well as the data lab storing  everybody's memories. 

Whether Kyoko was right and they would all be revived, or Celeste was right and they would all fade away, Taka didn’t care. He had made his choice to follow Mondo wherever, and it made him less scared of the unknown. For now, he wanted to eat breakfast with his friends, kiss his boyfriend, and finally feel like the person he once was. 

Finally, for the first time since the killing game began. Kiyotaka had felt like he had made his amends.    


\----

\----

\----

_ He didn’t notice he was alive, not at first. Even though he could have easily looked down at his body to see that it was no longer blue and dead. In a way, he already had an idea of what fate had befallen him. Perhaps that is why he didn’t look down. _

_ Taka didn’t notice he was alive because the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the blurry face of Makoto Naegi who looked at him with a smile and  _ _ said: _

_ “Welcome back.”  _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this. i have so many things to say but im forgetting all of them. if anything is confusing feel free to comment, i kinda went a little wild on this one, so im not sure if all of my ideas translated well. 
> 
> Instagram: cremeriie   
> Tumblr (not very active but you can try): cremeriie


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